Trusting the Flow
If you were ever a fan of ‘The Fast Show’, you’ll remember a great character, Jesse, who appeared every week. His one-liner, delivered to perfection, became part of our daily dialogue at home.
The camera would pan in on a dilapidated shed, with a subtitle along the lines of ‘This week’s nutritional advice’ on the screen. Jesse — played by the wonderful Mark Williams — looking like a hairy sack of turnips, would emerge from the shed, shuffle a bit, like an awkward infant on a nativity stage and then say to the camera with great seriousness, something along the lines of:
“This week, I ar’ be mostly eatin’ carrots.”
At which point he’d turn around and shuffle back into his shack.
Glorious!
This scene came to my mind as I pondered my offering to you this week. The randomness and hilarity of Jesse’s considered advice sums up how life is unfolding right now. Simplicity with a dash of absurdity seems the perfect set up as I share my thoughts with you.
This week, I ar’ be mostly trustin’ the Flow.
The struggle I’ve had recently is a familiar one. Perhaps you know it too.
How do I get myself aligned with the things I have to do? It is a common enough experience — as soon as a commitment is made, obligation born from it means it’s the last thing on Earth I want to do!
I’d been trying to make myself want to do the tasks I’d committed myself to. And it was bringing me down. One of the benefits of this time of great contrast: I have no tolerance for joyless activity.
Yet another morning’s mourning brought me to my knees. I’d been doing so well until recently. I’d thought most of the Great Sadness was over. I know, grieving takes much more time than we’d like to imagine, but what was this week’s misery really about?
I journalled.
I talked to Michael. To All That Is. To an empty room or a room full of Love in ‘Flow’ form… (I choose to believe the latter.)
I asked for help through a shedload of tears. I received it. I always do. Life in Flow is a many-splendoured thing.
My struggle was coming from the pressure I was putting on myself. To get jobs ‘done’. To meet my obligations. My days were becoming increasingly soaked in lack-based, fear-filled thinking:
‘You’ve not done enough,’ ‘You’re running out of time,’ ‘You should have done so much more.’
Like I said, I don’t have the energy for joyless tasks right now. It forces my hand. Makes me change my approach.
In the past, I’d tried scheduling and apportioning time. I’d guilted myself into full-blown workaholism. I followed that path to its natural conclusion. Sickness. Misery. Full stop.
Now, I’m faced with a new way of functioning. It’s the only option, it seems. I’m so glad.
A friend had suggested, just a few days before, that I leave tasks I’d no desire to pursue. I’d waved this idea aside. I couldn’t do that! We’re talking about bread and butter here! We’re talking about paying the bills. I can’t abandon the work that supplies my supper!
Turns out, I can’t make myself do it, either.
That’s such a good thing.
It makes me learn to trust. Trust in Life. In Flow. In a room filled with Love. In the magic of a universe that sprinkles sunlight in dappled pennies at our feet.
I’d fallen into the age-old trap of trying to control myself, my emotions, my life. But life will not be controlled. Life can’t be managed by a process or coerced into joy by any practice.
Life pushed back at me.
Life insists that I trust it. That I form a relationship with it. That I follow its Flow if I truly want to live a life of joy. Scary, yes, but a risk worth taking.
So I spoke to my empty but Love-filled room that tear-stained morning.
“One week,” I said, “you’ve got one week. I’ll trust in the Flow for a week. Show me what you can do.”
Well, the gauntlet was thrown. Life was so quick to pick it up.
I gave Life my parameters. There were certain tasks I’d need it to lead me to do. But I’d follow Life’s promptings, best I could, every moment of every day. For one week. Life would show me the joy. And get certain jobs done. In joy. In Flow.
Life’s a bit of a show off, did you know?
On Day 1 of my experimental week… I’d followed my promptings to a local café. It sold good, cheap coffee. I rarely indulge these days, but I was following my joy. I find it easier sometimes to work in a coffee-shop context.
I’d done an hour of my ghostwriting (the task I’d been finding a chore). I’d previously have made myself ‘do’ another two.
I checked in with myself. I’d enjoyed the first hour, I really had. But now, I wanted to stop. Absolutely no more now. Rather than overriding my impulse and ‘pushing on through’, I followed my Flow. I stopped.
Felt a bit dizzy with my ‘daring-do’, or rather, my ‘daring-don’t’!
I went outside, blinking in the light. Turned my car out of its parking space, slowly. Noticed a number plate that looked half-familiar. Saw a warm smile like sunshine bouncing off the sea — a dear, darling friend, waving wildly at me! She’d spotted Michael’s hoodie (I love wearing his clothes), having just ‘happened’ to come into the very same carpark at the very same moment I’d been urged to stop. Happy hugs ensued.
The magic of ‘happenstance’ is so commonplace in Flow.
I’m thoroughly enjoying my week’s experiment. I’m expecting an extension…
As you are surmising, I am getting my work done. In time. But each day I do exactly what I want. IT’s the perfect combination. The intention to fulfil my commitments is solid. My desire to do so in joy is uppermost. I leave the details to Flow.
Life, trusting in Flow — imagine that!
To my beloved friends, who listen, guide and inspire me at every turn (and forgive me for completely forgetting our dinner date…) from the bottom of my heart — thank you.
To my beloved Michael, I adore you (and I’m waiting on those lottery numbers, Sweet Stuff…)
To you, Dear Reader, I send every encouragement to trust in your Flow, if only for a day.
Dare to reach for a little more joy.
You so deserve it.