What difference would that make to you?
A few days ago, in journaled conversation with my Self* I asked for insight to lift my spirits. As ever, I received a thought that helped, swiftly. It has been a mainstay for the past week. It was, like always, a quiet, understated thought, slipping softly into my mind like the gentlest of sea breezes, blowing in from somewhere other than the shores of my own mind. From where exactly? Impossible to say. I know what I choose to believe…
But here’s the thought:
“The past is not real. The future is not real. The only real is now.”
The power of now is hardly an unexplored concept, I know. Mindfulness, in vogue once, is now so old-hat the term is normally accompanied by eye-rolling or a sigh…
But for me, on that day, as I sought solace, the thought was as fresh and vital as water on a parched tongue.
“The past is not real. The future is not real. The only real is now.'“
The thought gave me hope. Maybe there is a way of navigating the next weeks and months without reliving what was happening this time last year… I mean, if Michael taught me anything, it was this. He was the one who said, so many times over, “Stop. Breathe.”
I added more. I do that. I added “Follow the joy.” Which is fine. But it’s classic me - trying to fix things. Trying to avoid pain. Trying to find a sunny side…
Michael was more grounded. More present. More willing to live life, now. Even as he died. Especially then, actually.
“The past is not real. The future is not real. The only real is now.”
That thought sounded like Michael, explaining.
This is not invalidating past, or future, not at all. It is simply saying that past and future are not now. And the only real experience is now, and how we choose to focus it. We can focus it on stories of the past. Or of the future. But those are choices we make to fill this moment now.
“The past is not real. The future is not real. The only real is now.”
I found myself softy repeating the thought, returning to it often across the morning. I noticed relief every time. It took me right back to how we managed those extreme days and weeks last year. Then, the future and past were so excruciating, now-focus was the only way to go…
Now, I realise, I’ve become sloppy again. Less extreme conditions mean that I do let my thoughts slope back to mull melancholy over times gone past… And off my mind goes on other jaunts, fretting about future fragilities…
“The past is not real. The future is not real. The only real is now.”
As I gently returned, time after time to this simplest of thoughts, what soothing it gave me! I hadn’t realised how subtly the past sneaks in with its “Remember how happy you were then? How sad you must be now!”
As soon as I refreshed my knowing - no past, no future, only now, comparisons and storylines fall away. There is simply now…
“Life is now. There was never a time when your life was not now, nor will there ever be.” —Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now
There was more nourishment to come…
Later that day, I found myself reading a lovely little book, ‘Every Breath You Take’, given me many moons ago. It was so reassuring to hear the author talk about how naff she had found ‘mindfulness’!
I had, over the years, tried to eat a grape. You know. Mindfully.
OMG. Beam. Me. Up.
Mindfulness should have been the dream come true for me. Instead, I flunked the test. Big time.
But in this tiny book with its kind, simple pages, the lovely Rose Elliot spoke to me.
“If you can breathe, you can be mindful, and if you can be mindful, you can heal and transform your life.”
Elliot learnt, from a monk she encountered, that the breath is the key - but often overlooked - ingredient to mindfulness. Every practice she had attempted and failed to find beneficial was transformed when she combined it with awareness of breath.
“If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.”
― Amit Ray, Om Chanting and Meditation
Her little book of exercises, simple as could be, tipped me into enjoying my new mantra all the more.
Breathing in: The past…
Breathing out: …is not real.
Breathing in: The future…
Breathing out: …is not real.
Breathing in: The only real…
Breathing out: …is now.
“The present moment is filled with joy and happiness. If you are attentive, you will see it.”
― Thich Nhat Hanh, Peace Is Every Step: The Path of Mindfulness in Everyday Life
Strangely enough, even if the present moment is painful, the pain is easier to embrace when we aren’t comparing it to what was before, or might possibly be... Releasing past and future aids surrender.
I had a small opportunity to explore this as I spent a day throwing up at the weekend.
It was interesting to see how much simpler the unpleasantness became when I wasn’t compounding it with thoughts of What caused this? and How long will this last?
I actually found that when I released past and future, that the ‘now’ offered options. I could focus on the discomfort, difficult not to, for sure. But I also noticed that in the still focus, I was aware of a zumba track playing, as if to cheer me. It was as if the higher part of me was dancing all the while…
I remembered then how I sent my mind to the beach in the most extreme moments of last year. Now being the only real doesn’t mean we have to face reality. That’s a whole different bowl of begonias…
Using our imagination to focus on thoughts that bring relief is a power worth wielding, whenever and however we can.
“Smile, breathe and go slowly.”
― Thich Nhat Hanh
Tolle doesn’t pull any punches as he describes the mind and its penchant for mayhem.
“The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive. To put it more accurately, it is not so much that you use your mind wrongly - you usually don’t use it at all. It uses you.” — Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now
By all means let us feast on the triumphs and delights of past and future thinking, whenever it serves us.
But, if it appeals, try releasing them from the unfocused thought stream as often as possible through one day, or just one hour of one day. Notice how you feel as you do…
*Self - as in Higher Self, pure positive energy, infinite love… I have conversations with Self, through journaling and sometimes out loud. It always brings joy.