coaching

Take Your Mind Where YOU Want It to Go

So, here I am, it’s 3 am and fear is playing its game with me again.

Tears. Worry. Anxiety.

Powerlessness presses the air from my lungs.

My puppy dog mind has diarrhoea, I think to myself.

The reframe brings some relief. I imagine a ‘loose’ pooping puppy making a heck of a mess in my mind…

I sit on the side of the bed and let the tears flow.

It’s ok. It’s ok. You’re safe. We’ve got you.

“Really?” I say to the voices I’ve practised imagining in my head. “Because, I’ve got to say it feels FAR from ok and I SO don’t feel safe!

Do you understand the concept of money running out? No steady income? And not knowing what I should be doing every moment of the day to allow myself to align with the abundance I seek? And the exhaustion of constantly second-guessing myself?

Do you actually KNOW what that’s like?”

I all but spit the words out to the Dream Team of my mind’s creating...

Fortunately, they can cope.

“Not really, no, Amanda. You have us there. But that’s because we’re here, where all your abundance IS.

We can’t feel your fear because we know that it’s all working out for you.

We’ve got every desire boxed off. Truly.

Your every dream come true. It’s all here.

We’re bending over backwards to bring you to it.

But you’ve got to make your way here.

There’s no bringing it to you, as you know…”

The Problem of Wanting What we Haven’t Got — and How to Alleviate it

The Problem of Wanting What we Haven’t Got — and How to Alleviate it

…The misery of lack…

Alexis de Tocqueville’s observation in 1831, traveling the “new world” of America:

“I have seen the freest and best educated of men in the happiest circumstances the world can afford; yet it seemed that a cloud hung on their brow and they appeared serious and almost sad […] because they never stopped thinking of the good things they have not yet got.”

I don’t know about you, but I have spent a lifetime being tortured by seemingly out-of-reach desires. So much so that I couldn’t enjoy any of the things I already had. I have lived a rich and beautiful life: snorkelling, diving, martial arts, writing, teaching, learning, theatre, singing, dance and more, all bathed in the deep abiding love of my husband and my friends.

The fact is, there is no worse feeling than the despair of not being able to be, do or have what we want. It may sound like spoiled toddler thinking, but it runs through every moment of human existence. We have desires. Unless we reach Nirvana — ‘extinguishing’ the suffering cycle, we are faced with the reality of restless energy ever seeking more.

Addictive and double-edged; when we believe we can fulfil desires, we feel wonderful. Exaltation. Jubilation. Life is exciting. A thrilling ride. But the buzz of achieving one dream can become an endless chase for more, bigger, better… These desires, run rampant, can rot a life of luxury as well we all know.

When desires feel like needs, when we feel unsafe because of our perceived lack, it‘s torture.

Lessons from a Life Un-lived – Making friends with our fears

Lessons from a Life Un-lived – Making friends with our fears

Three steps to making friends with your fear…

Hurtling towards the rocks as the Dordogne opened out into a massive toothy grin, I wondered if taking a lesson or two might have been wise before leaping into this kayak for my virgin trip.

Don’t hit that great big rock, don’t hit that great big rock, don’t hit that…. bloody hell.

All my ‘don’t-ing’ drew me (of course) to the biggest rock of the bunch, with the force of a junkyard, car-lifting magnet. I was about to be scrapped.

I remember an insane prioritising of sandals over paddle as the kayak crunched and capsized. I grabbed for my footwear as the boulder bit and I watched the blade swoosh away on the current… Well, at least I wouldn’t die without footwear…

Duck, Duck, Dare… Finding confidence to play in the snow

It was pure comedy: a Tik Tok clip of a flock of 30 ducks or more, pouring out of their shed like noisy molasses, onto the surrounding sloped land, only to discover unexpected snow. To a bird, they responded as one.

First, scanning the weirdly white world, heads swivelled in alarm as the flock stood still. They shared a brief ‘What the f**k?!’ moment as they registered the shocking state of affairs.

Then, at a three-quarter flap, their fluid formation turned on its communal webbed heel, flowing right back up the little hill and into the safety and warmth of the shelter.

The whole thing was over in less than a minute. The birds moved like liquid, all as one, of one mind, with one response to this frozen world of crunchy white.

I’m still grinning. It feels like it should be a child’s game, Duck, Duck Dare…
But where am I going with this?

Well, nearly right back into the shed, in truth.